From Tangent to Chocolate Oranges

S. D.'s surgery went very well on Wednesday. Afterward we went to pick up S. F. and Little G. from the grandparents' house, but of course we didn't leave immediately. After all, S. D. had just had surgery, and there was no way she was going straight home from a place as fun and fascinating as her grandparents' house. So, we stayed until after dinner.

We were discussing going off on a tangent, when suddenly S. F. blurted out, "I like chocolate oranges!" We sort of did a, "Huh? Where did that come from?" So S. F. proceded to explain.

The word tangent makes her think of tangerines, tangerines make her think of oranges, Valentine's Day makes her think of chocolate, therefore she likes chocolate oranges.

I now have a much better understanding of why so many of our conversations go awry. There's always something to smile, grimace, or groan about when talking with our kids. Luckily the majority cause a smile.

Tubes, Nasal Endoscopy, and Adenoidnectomy! Oh My!

It's the night before S. D.'s surgery, and I admit it, I have a huge, heaping case of the nervous mommies. I know it's a routine procedure. Thousands of kids have been through it without a problem. I know she needs it. The fluid in her ears is really causing her a lot of ear pain. This is a child that doesn't complain unless it really hurts, and she's complaining. She's good natured about it, but she's complaining nonetheless.

I find myself wishing that I had the blind faith in doctors that my parents' generation had. My dad would have been 88 today; my mom would have turned 84 this year. With them, my mother especially, if the doctor said it, that was it. Total trust was given. For me all of the what if statistics are running through my head. I know that other than the ear infections and acid reflux, she's a very healthy kid. She's also being seen by one of the best pediatric otolaryngologists in the area. The chances of anything going wrong are incredibly remote, but still the what if's are plaguing me.

Ear Infections and Tubes

Poor S. D. She's supposed to get tubes in her ears and have her adenoids removed on Wednesday, but guess what! She has another ear infection. We're off to the pediatrician's office to confirm my mom diagnosis. I wonder if they'll still want to perform the surgery on Wednesday, or if they'll put it off.

Torture Your Big Sister

I have to hand it to S. D.; she's found a great way to torture S. F. that makes it almost impossible to get angry. She has begun to open S. F.'s room door, yell, "I really love you!" and then shut the door and run away. I think this is a great, creative way to drive your older sibling absolutely crazy while making it hard for them to complain. It's 4 year old brilliance at its best! I only wish I'd thought of this method when I was little. I could have really driven my older brother nuts.

Yes, we are disciplining S. D. for bugging her older sister, even though it is to say, "I love you," but I've got to hand it to her for creativity in older sibling torture methods.

Manifest Destiny

Yesterday was a very pleasant day. We went over to my in-laws house. G. installed a new DVD drive on my MIL's computer. The baby was fairly well behaved. He's seen G-mother and G-father enough over the past couple of months, so he'll actually allow them to hold him now, which is great! S. D. and S. F. got along for the most part. Little G. fell asleep at the beginning of dinner, which allowed me to eat with everyone else and have adult conversation afterward. What a treat!

It was the adult, after dinner conversation that was so interesting this evening. S. F., our 12 1/2 year old with Asperger's, is somewhat obsessed with politics. Most 12 1/2 year olds couldn't tell you all of the candidates running for the presidency, unless forced to know it for a history test. They also couldn't tell you how many members are on the Supreme Court or their names. That is definitely not the case with S. F. She's a political junkie. She joined in the conversation as we discussed political candidates, Ann Coulter's statement about campaigning for Hillary Clinton if John McCain is the Republican nominee, the war in Iraq, and illegal immigration. Suddenly, in the middle of all this conversation, S. F. pipes up with the question, "What ever happened to Manifest Destiny?" Naturally, we adults were stunned. What 12 year old comments on Manifest Destiny? Obviously mine.
Ever since her comment, I've been reflecting. What ever did become of the idea of Manifest Destiny? It touched on 3 basic themes:

• the virtue of the American people and American institutions
• the mission to spread American ideals, thus remaking the world in the image of the U. S., and
• the idea that the U. S. had a destiny under God to accomplish this work.

Some would say that the idea of Manifest Destiny is nothing more than hubris, but I disagree. Yes, the U. S. has its fair share of problems. The virtue of the American people is not what it once was. If you don't believe me, just take a look at Brittany Spears, and how we, the public, feed off the tragedy of this obviously, mentally ill young girl. However, even with our warts, we are still the most generous nation on earth. We give more to private charities than any other country. When other countries have natural disasters, we're the first on the scene to lend aid and comfort. What's so wrong with wanting to spread our ideals throughout the world? Freedom for girls to go to school and grow up to be whatever they want is not a horrible idea. The freedom to start your own company to support your family, rather than being dependent upon a bloated federal government is not terrible. You can choose not to agree with me, but I don't see what's so wrong with reshaping the world in the image of a country that wants to spread freedom throughout the world.

Masterpieces

Ten out of twenty-two masterpieces have been created by S. D.'s pre-k classmates. Little G. was great for an hour. Hopefully he'll cooperate as well tomorrow.

The kids were great, but I felt sorry for one little boy who came out in the hall to draw with me. He looked up and said, "I don't know how to draw anything except a stick man. I don't draw a lot." I told him that he could draw a stick man, but he had already seen the other children's drawings and wanted his to be like theirs, too. I suggested that we trace his hand and he color it in, and that's exactly what he did. He was thrilled. He loved coloring his fingers different colors. I wonder if his parents let him draw at home or if their worried that he'll draw on the walls.

What Was I Thinking

Something compelled me to volunteer to be a room parent for S. D.'s pre-k class. I was room mom when S. F. was little, and I guess I'm suffering from parental guilt over S. D.'s middle child status - soooo, I volunteered to be a room parent. Had S. D. remained our last child this would have been fine, but since Little G. is now 10 months old and suffering from recurrent ear infections and a major case of the mommies, this was not a wise decision on my part.

While everyone else was sleeping last night, I was up re-ironing panels for her class auction gift, a quilt featuring photos of the pre-k-er's on one side and original art work on the other, because while Shannon was "looking" at them, she peeled the stabilizing freezer paper from the back of the fabric. This morning I went into her classroom to take photos of the children and help them with their art work. Of course the baby decided that he was in no mood to cooperate, so once the photos were taken, I had to skulk out hoping no teachers would string me up for interrupting their classes with infantile, blood-curdling screams get out of there quickly. Tomorrow I go back for the little ones to create their masterpieces. Hopefully, Little G. will cooperate tomorrow.

Next year, if I feel compelled to volunteer again, I think I'll make an appointment with a therapist instead.

Babies Must Think We're Dogs

Since Little G. is on antibiotics, the pooh is flowing several times a day. Now every time he fusses, I pick him up and do a sniff test on his bottom. The other day, I almost dropped the poor boy, because just as I sniffed, S. F. asked me what in the world I was doing. Her dad, deadpan, said, "Greeting him like a dog." Now every time I see another mom checking her baby's bottom, it's all I can do to keep a straight face.

Guinness Book of World Records

I wonder if there is a Guinness Book of World Records for most consecutive nights being awakened by young children. I think that's a category I could win. I haven't had one, solid night's sleep since our 10 month old was born. He's only slept through the night a few times. Every time I get him to sleep through one or two nights he gets an ear infection. Who says sleep helps the immune system?

Okay, whine fest over...for now.

The Ear Infection Saga

S. D. is on ear infection number 7 since August. Her ear tube and adenoid surgery is scheduled for the day before Valentine's Day. Little G. is on ear infection number 5. His ENT appointment is scheduled for Valentine's Day. I suspect that on February 14th, I'm going to have 2 very cranky children.

I want lots and lots of chocolate on Valentine's Day!

My Recent Experience With the USPS or Why Anyone Who Wants Government Run Health Care Must Be INSANE!

I recently ordered a CD from a woman in Utah. A couple of days after placing the order she e-mailed the United States Postal Service tracking information. Every evening for three days I went to the USPS website to track the order, and each evening it had the same message. The message said that they had been notified that the package was ready to be shipped, but this did not mean that they had necessarily received the package. Please check back each evening to see if the status had changed. On Saturday morning I once again checked the tracking status only to find the same exact message. I decided to wait and check the tracking status one more time on Saturday evening before sending an e-mail message to the woman asking: Where the Hell is my $100 order and why haven't you sent it yet? Could you please explain why my order hasn't shipped yet even though you sent us the tracking number on Wednesday?

Imagine my surprise when on Saturday afternoon I checked the tracking status only to see a new message. This one didn't say anything like: Your package has been shipped and is currently in Timbuktu. Nooooo, this message said: A delivery attempt was made at 11:51 A. M. Your package will be available for pickup on Monday, January 14th after 8:30 A. M. I sat at the computer for several minutes reading and re-reading this message. A delivery attempt was made? At 11:51 A. M.? I was here at 11:51 A. M. G. was in the driveway working on my car at 11:51 A. M. The whole family was here at 11:51 A. M. No one drove down the driveway, no one rang the doorbell, no one knocked on the front door. What do you mean a delivery attempt was made at 11:51 A. M.?! What do you mean it will be available for pickup?! Didn't I pay shipping in order to have it delivered?!!!

So on Monday afternoon after taking S. D. and Little G. to the pediatrician (S. D. has her 7th ear infection since August and Little G. has a very nasty cold which I'm certain will turn into an ear infection soon), I dragged the two little ones with me to the local USPS. Of course there was a line rivaling those usually seen at Christmastime. Apparently everyone in our town had a lazy U. S. Postal Carrier who thought they'd just put a delivery slip in the mailbox rather than actually doing their job and delivering the package to the door. After waiting in line for what seemed like forever with a thankfully, sleeping 9 month old, a very sick 4 year old, and a lady in line next to us with a two year old who had made a stinky load in his diaper (there was no way this lady was losing her place in line and waiting all over again with her young son and who could really blame her), finally it was my turn.

I walked up to the Asian woman behind the counter, presented my slip, and said, "I'd like to pick up this package, and I'd like to find out how to file a complaint. I know that no delivery attempt was made on this package."

She eyed me suspiciously and then hostilely said in her best pidgin, "How you know no delivery attempt made?"

I looked her squarely in the eye, making certain to project my voice, and said, "I know for a fact that no delivery attempt was made because your tracking system says that a delivery attempt was made on Saturday, January 12 at 11:51 A. M. On Saturday morning my entire family was home. Not only that, but at the time the supposed delivery attempt was made, my husband was in our driveway working on my car. No postal carrier drove or walked down our driveway; therefore I know that the mail carrier just stuck this slip in our mailbox and kept on going. Now, how do I file a complaint?"

She then glared at me with eyes of death and said, "You need call package delivery supervisor. I write name and number on piece of paper after I get package." She then disappeared for several minutes and eventually came out with my package. I stood waiting until she "remembered" and gave me the name and number I needed.

The next day I called the number. This person told me he wasn't the person I needed to complain to so he gave me another name and number. I called that person; she told me I needed to speak with someone else and proceeded to give the name and number. I called the next lady, and guess what! She gave me the name and number of the first person I called.

Now think about all the lovely experiences you've had with government agencies. Consider all your dealings with the USPS, the DMV, the IRS, etc. Do you really think it's a good idea to put our health care in the hands of government workers? I can guarantee that if we have to go to a government agency for our health care needs, we'll all suffer from high blood pressure.

Paranoia

I think the baby is out to get me. Little G. is sick and that's not his fault - it's his sister's fault for sharing her cold virus. (If anyone has any tips on how to keep kids from getting each other sick that doesn't involve owning a house with a minimum 10,000 sq. ft. and having a household staff, please share them with me.)

Here's what makes me think the little guy is out to get me - every time I walk away from him for more than let's say one and a half minutes, he poohs. I would chalk it up to coincidence, but it's happened more than 5 times over the past week. I swear he's poohing just to get me to come back to him. He has a very distinct, "Mom! I just poohed!" cry that gets me to come to him immediately so he won't get diaper rash. I think I'm going to start charting this every time it happens just to see if he really is conspiring to get me to come back and pick him up.

You know what they say, "Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me." ;)

Sippiness

S. D.: This straw has too much sippiness.

Mom: I know it's a skinny straw, but it's all we have. Just use it.

S. D.: (whining) No, it has too much sippiness!

Mom: Just use it or don't, but stop whining.

S. D.: (taking mom by the hand) Let me show you the sippiness.

S. D.: Slurp, slurp, slurp. See, too much sippiness.

Mom: (realization dawning) Oh, there's a hole in the straw! You can't get anything through it.

S. D.: (looking at mom like she's a complete moron for not getting it sooner) Yes!

Mom: Let me get you a new one.

I wonder how many new words have been coined by 4 year olds.

If I'm Going to Post, I'd Better Do It Now

I've been trying to post on here for several days now, but every time I think I'm going to do it once the kids are in bed, I fall asleep. A couple of times I've considered posting after putting the baby back to bed in the middle of the night, but the desire for sleep has won out each time. Now that the baby's ears are clear and he doesn't have a stomach bug, maybe I can grab a few minutes here and there to update this thing.

Of course the only reason why I have these few, precious moments is because S. D. is home sick with a cold (translation: she'll have another ear infection any day now and Little G. will too). Right now she's entertaining Little G. by dancing around to the music on a kid show. So far I've been able to keep her from breathing directly on him, kissing him, and I've been able to get her to wash her hands frequently. Of course, I hold no real hope that he won't also catch the cold, but I'm doing my best to try to prevent it anyhow. I have this fantasy that soon I'll be able to get back to posting 3 - 4 times a week. Maybe once Little G. is in school in about 4 years.

Happy New Year!

Good bye 2007! Hello 2008!

Looking back on 2007, our family has a lot to be thankful for.

1. We added a wonderful baby boy to our family.
2. S. F. is becoming more and more independent, which is huge for a 12 1/2 year old with Asperger's Disorder.
3. S. D. decided it was time to be fully potty-trained.
4. S. F. has begun to try eating new foods, which is another monumentous thing for a kid with Asperger's.
5. S. D. started pre-k, which she loves.
6. We had a beach vacation with perfect weather every day but one, and even then the rain was brief. That in and of itself is miraculous. Normally we have at least 3 nasty, rainy days.
7. G. was able to take several days off during the holidays which was a gift all by itself.

Aside from S. D. and Little G.'s seemingly perpetual ear infections over the past 5 months, 2007 was a very good year. I think 2008 will be even better.