Torture Your Big Sister

I have to hand it to S. D.; she's found a great way to torture S. F. that makes it almost impossible to get angry. She has begun to open S. F.'s room door, yell, "I really love you!" and then shut the door and run away. I think this is a great, creative way to drive your older sibling absolutely crazy while making it hard for them to complain. It's 4 year old brilliance at its best! I only wish I'd thought of this method when I was little. I could have really driven my older brother nuts.

Yes, we are disciplining S. D. for bugging her older sister, even though it is to say, "I love you," but I've got to hand it to her for creativity in older sibling torture methods.

Manifest Destiny

Yesterday was a very pleasant day. We went over to my in-laws house. G. installed a new DVD drive on my MIL's computer. The baby was fairly well behaved. He's seen G-mother and G-father enough over the past couple of months, so he'll actually allow them to hold him now, which is great! S. D. and S. F. got along for the most part. Little G. fell asleep at the beginning of dinner, which allowed me to eat with everyone else and have adult conversation afterward. What a treat!

It was the adult, after dinner conversation that was so interesting this evening. S. F., our 12 1/2 year old with Asperger's, is somewhat obsessed with politics. Most 12 1/2 year olds couldn't tell you all of the candidates running for the presidency, unless forced to know it for a history test. They also couldn't tell you how many members are on the Supreme Court or their names. That is definitely not the case with S. F. She's a political junkie. She joined in the conversation as we discussed political candidates, Ann Coulter's statement about campaigning for Hillary Clinton if John McCain is the Republican nominee, the war in Iraq, and illegal immigration. Suddenly, in the middle of all this conversation, S. F. pipes up with the question, "What ever happened to Manifest Destiny?" Naturally, we adults were stunned. What 12 year old comments on Manifest Destiny? Obviously mine.
Ever since her comment, I've been reflecting. What ever did become of the idea of Manifest Destiny? It touched on 3 basic themes:

• the virtue of the American people and American institutions
• the mission to spread American ideals, thus remaking the world in the image of the U. S., and
• the idea that the U. S. had a destiny under God to accomplish this work.

Some would say that the idea of Manifest Destiny is nothing more than hubris, but I disagree. Yes, the U. S. has its fair share of problems. The virtue of the American people is not what it once was. If you don't believe me, just take a look at Brittany Spears, and how we, the public, feed off the tragedy of this obviously, mentally ill young girl. However, even with our warts, we are still the most generous nation on earth. We give more to private charities than any other country. When other countries have natural disasters, we're the first on the scene to lend aid and comfort. What's so wrong with wanting to spread our ideals throughout the world? Freedom for girls to go to school and grow up to be whatever they want is not a horrible idea. The freedom to start your own company to support your family, rather than being dependent upon a bloated federal government is not terrible. You can choose not to agree with me, but I don't see what's so wrong with reshaping the world in the image of a country that wants to spread freedom throughout the world.

Masterpieces

Ten out of twenty-two masterpieces have been created by S. D.'s pre-k classmates. Little G. was great for an hour. Hopefully he'll cooperate as well tomorrow.

The kids were great, but I felt sorry for one little boy who came out in the hall to draw with me. He looked up and said, "I don't know how to draw anything except a stick man. I don't draw a lot." I told him that he could draw a stick man, but he had already seen the other children's drawings and wanted his to be like theirs, too. I suggested that we trace his hand and he color it in, and that's exactly what he did. He was thrilled. He loved coloring his fingers different colors. I wonder if his parents let him draw at home or if their worried that he'll draw on the walls.

What Was I Thinking

Something compelled me to volunteer to be a room parent for S. D.'s pre-k class. I was room mom when S. F. was little, and I guess I'm suffering from parental guilt over S. D.'s middle child status - soooo, I volunteered to be a room parent. Had S. D. remained our last child this would have been fine, but since Little G. is now 10 months old and suffering from recurrent ear infections and a major case of the mommies, this was not a wise decision on my part.

While everyone else was sleeping last night, I was up re-ironing panels for her class auction gift, a quilt featuring photos of the pre-k-er's on one side and original art work on the other, because while Shannon was "looking" at them, she peeled the stabilizing freezer paper from the back of the fabric. This morning I went into her classroom to take photos of the children and help them with their art work. Of course the baby decided that he was in no mood to cooperate, so once the photos were taken, I had to skulk out hoping no teachers would string me up for interrupting their classes with infantile, blood-curdling screams get out of there quickly. Tomorrow I go back for the little ones to create their masterpieces. Hopefully, Little G. will cooperate tomorrow.

Next year, if I feel compelled to volunteer again, I think I'll make an appointment with a therapist instead.

Babies Must Think We're Dogs

Since Little G. is on antibiotics, the pooh is flowing several times a day. Now every time he fusses, I pick him up and do a sniff test on his bottom. The other day, I almost dropped the poor boy, because just as I sniffed, S. F. asked me what in the world I was doing. Her dad, deadpan, said, "Greeting him like a dog." Now every time I see another mom checking her baby's bottom, it's all I can do to keep a straight face.

Guinness Book of World Records

I wonder if there is a Guinness Book of World Records for most consecutive nights being awakened by young children. I think that's a category I could win. I haven't had one, solid night's sleep since our 10 month old was born. He's only slept through the night a few times. Every time I get him to sleep through one or two nights he gets an ear infection. Who says sleep helps the immune system?

Okay, whine fest over...for now.

The Ear Infection Saga

S. D. is on ear infection number 7 since August. Her ear tube and adenoid surgery is scheduled for the day before Valentine's Day. Little G. is on ear infection number 5. His ENT appointment is scheduled for Valentine's Day. I suspect that on February 14th, I'm going to have 2 very cranky children.

I want lots and lots of chocolate on Valentine's Day!

My Recent Experience With the USPS or Why Anyone Who Wants Government Run Health Care Must Be INSANE!

I recently ordered a CD from a woman in Utah. A couple of days after placing the order she e-mailed the United States Postal Service tracking information. Every evening for three days I went to the USPS website to track the order, and each evening it had the same message. The message said that they had been notified that the package was ready to be shipped, but this did not mean that they had necessarily received the package. Please check back each evening to see if the status had changed. On Saturday morning I once again checked the tracking status only to find the same exact message. I decided to wait and check the tracking status one more time on Saturday evening before sending an e-mail message to the woman asking: Where the Hell is my $100 order and why haven't you sent it yet? Could you please explain why my order hasn't shipped yet even though you sent us the tracking number on Wednesday?

Imagine my surprise when on Saturday afternoon I checked the tracking status only to see a new message. This one didn't say anything like: Your package has been shipped and is currently in Timbuktu. Nooooo, this message said: A delivery attempt was made at 11:51 A. M. Your package will be available for pickup on Monday, January 14th after 8:30 A. M. I sat at the computer for several minutes reading and re-reading this message. A delivery attempt was made? At 11:51 A. M.? I was here at 11:51 A. M. G. was in the driveway working on my car at 11:51 A. M. The whole family was here at 11:51 A. M. No one drove down the driveway, no one rang the doorbell, no one knocked on the front door. What do you mean a delivery attempt was made at 11:51 A. M.?! What do you mean it will be available for pickup?! Didn't I pay shipping in order to have it delivered?!!!

So on Monday afternoon after taking S. D. and Little G. to the pediatrician (S. D. has her 7th ear infection since August and Little G. has a very nasty cold which I'm certain will turn into an ear infection soon), I dragged the two little ones with me to the local USPS. Of course there was a line rivaling those usually seen at Christmastime. Apparently everyone in our town had a lazy U. S. Postal Carrier who thought they'd just put a delivery slip in the mailbox rather than actually doing their job and delivering the package to the door. After waiting in line for what seemed like forever with a thankfully, sleeping 9 month old, a very sick 4 year old, and a lady in line next to us with a two year old who had made a stinky load in his diaper (there was no way this lady was losing her place in line and waiting all over again with her young son and who could really blame her), finally it was my turn.

I walked up to the Asian woman behind the counter, presented my slip, and said, "I'd like to pick up this package, and I'd like to find out how to file a complaint. I know that no delivery attempt was made on this package."

She eyed me suspiciously and then hostilely said in her best pidgin, "How you know no delivery attempt made?"

I looked her squarely in the eye, making certain to project my voice, and said, "I know for a fact that no delivery attempt was made because your tracking system says that a delivery attempt was made on Saturday, January 12 at 11:51 A. M. On Saturday morning my entire family was home. Not only that, but at the time the supposed delivery attempt was made, my husband was in our driveway working on my car. No postal carrier drove or walked down our driveway; therefore I know that the mail carrier just stuck this slip in our mailbox and kept on going. Now, how do I file a complaint?"

She then glared at me with eyes of death and said, "You need call package delivery supervisor. I write name and number on piece of paper after I get package." She then disappeared for several minutes and eventually came out with my package. I stood waiting until she "remembered" and gave me the name and number I needed.

The next day I called the number. This person told me he wasn't the person I needed to complain to so he gave me another name and number. I called that person; she told me I needed to speak with someone else and proceeded to give the name and number. I called the next lady, and guess what! She gave me the name and number of the first person I called.

Now think about all the lovely experiences you've had with government agencies. Consider all your dealings with the USPS, the DMV, the IRS, etc. Do you really think it's a good idea to put our health care in the hands of government workers? I can guarantee that if we have to go to a government agency for our health care needs, we'll all suffer from high blood pressure.

Paranoia

I think the baby is out to get me. Little G. is sick and that's not his fault - it's his sister's fault for sharing her cold virus. (If anyone has any tips on how to keep kids from getting each other sick that doesn't involve owning a house with a minimum 10,000 sq. ft. and having a household staff, please share them with me.)

Here's what makes me think the little guy is out to get me - every time I walk away from him for more than let's say one and a half minutes, he poohs. I would chalk it up to coincidence, but it's happened more than 5 times over the past week. I swear he's poohing just to get me to come back to him. He has a very distinct, "Mom! I just poohed!" cry that gets me to come to him immediately so he won't get diaper rash. I think I'm going to start charting this every time it happens just to see if he really is conspiring to get me to come back and pick him up.

You know what they say, "Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me." ;)

Sippiness

S. D.: This straw has too much sippiness.

Mom: I know it's a skinny straw, but it's all we have. Just use it.

S. D.: (whining) No, it has too much sippiness!

Mom: Just use it or don't, but stop whining.

S. D.: (taking mom by the hand) Let me show you the sippiness.

S. D.: Slurp, slurp, slurp. See, too much sippiness.

Mom: (realization dawning) Oh, there's a hole in the straw! You can't get anything through it.

S. D.: (looking at mom like she's a complete moron for not getting it sooner) Yes!

Mom: Let me get you a new one.

I wonder how many new words have been coined by 4 year olds.

If I'm Going to Post, I'd Better Do It Now

I've been trying to post on here for several days now, but every time I think I'm going to do it once the kids are in bed, I fall asleep. A couple of times I've considered posting after putting the baby back to bed in the middle of the night, but the desire for sleep has won out each time. Now that the baby's ears are clear and he doesn't have a stomach bug, maybe I can grab a few minutes here and there to update this thing.

Of course the only reason why I have these few, precious moments is because S. D. is home sick with a cold (translation: she'll have another ear infection any day now and Little G. will too). Right now she's entertaining Little G. by dancing around to the music on a kid show. So far I've been able to keep her from breathing directly on him, kissing him, and I've been able to get her to wash her hands frequently. Of course, I hold no real hope that he won't also catch the cold, but I'm doing my best to try to prevent it anyhow. I have this fantasy that soon I'll be able to get back to posting 3 - 4 times a week. Maybe once Little G. is in school in about 4 years.

Happy New Year!

Good bye 2007! Hello 2008!

Looking back on 2007, our family has a lot to be thankful for.

1. We added a wonderful baby boy to our family.
2. S. F. is becoming more and more independent, which is huge for a 12 1/2 year old with Asperger's Disorder.
3. S. D. decided it was time to be fully potty-trained.
4. S. F. has begun to try eating new foods, which is another monumentous thing for a kid with Asperger's.
5. S. D. started pre-k, which she loves.
6. We had a beach vacation with perfect weather every day but one, and even then the rain was brief. That in and of itself is miraculous. Normally we have at least 3 nasty, rainy days.
7. G. was able to take several days off during the holidays which was a gift all by itself.

Aside from S. D. and Little G.'s seemingly perpetual ear infections over the past 5 months, 2007 was a very good year. I think 2008 will be even better.

New Year's Resolutions

Well, there are 3 days left in 2007. That means New Year's Resolutions.

My New Year's Resolution for 2008 is not to make any New Year's Resolutions!

• I know I'm not going to lose weight until I've stopped nursing the baby, because I'm not cutting calories until that's done and overwith.
• As for exercise, for the moment I'm only going to be able to fit that in on a regular basis if I chose to stay up at 3:30 after the baby wakes up in the middle of the night. I prefer sleep.
• I'll try to get and keep the house neater, but let's face it, the house is not going to stay uncluttered until the kids are grown.

So, I'm going to enjoy the last 3 days of 2007, knowing full well that I won't be feeling any guilt over breaking my 2008 resolutions a couple of weeks into the New Year.

Happy New Year!

Happy Christmas Eve!

Isn't there some law out there that moms aren't allowed to be sick over the Christmas holiday? Apparently, I'm the exception. This evening around 4:00 p.m. I got hit with nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. I'm so happy that I only had a few gifts to wrap since Santa leaves his gifts unwrapped under the tree. :)

Hopefully this is only a 24 hour bug and I'll be better by tomorrow evening.

Merry Christmas!

12 Days of Christmas Tax Dollars

My BIL sent me this e-mail link: http://www.cdc.gov/women/owh/holiday/12waysSong.htm

I decided to go to the CDC website to make certain that this is a valid CDC link. Guess what! It is! I am so happy to know that all those hard-earned tax dollars are going to employees of the CDC so they can spend their time creating lyrics to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas. Before I heard this song I had no idea that in order to stay healthy I should wash my hands, bundle up for warmth, manage stress, not drink and drive, stay smoke free, fasten seat belts while driving, get exams and screenings, get my vaccinations, monitor the children, practice fire safety, prepare dinner safely, and eat well and get moving.

Up until I heard the lyrics to this song, I had been

1. running around with grimy hands all day
2. not wearing a coat in cold weather
3. letting stress run my life (okay, maybe this one is true, but you try dealing with two sick kids, a kid with Asperger's Disorder, and no sleep and try to manage stress!)
4. knocking back a bottle of wine and getting behind the wheel
5. smoking 4 packs a day
6. driving at break-neck speeds without a seat belt
7. not going to my doctors for annual exams
8. stabbing myself with rusty nails secure in the knowledge that I haven't recently gotten a tetanus shot, nothing like lockjaw
9. not watching what the children are doing (Go ahead, Honey, play with those matches, I won't watch what your doing!)
10. burning fires in the middle of the living room without benefit of using the fireplace (See number 9)
11. cross contaminating the food as I prepare it by putting vegetables and meat on the same cutting board, and
12. sitting in front of the t.v. eating potato chips for dinner!

Thank you federal government for spending our tax dollars in such a wise and constructive way! Without you there to tell us the patently obvious, what ever would we do?!

Our Tree

This year G. was bound and determined that we were going to get our Christmas tree early. Absolutely no waiting until the weekend before Christmas, which is what normally happens in our household. Last Saturday we went to the tree farm to pick our tree. This is a "new" tree farm to us. We've only gone there for three years. The trees at this place are great, but the people are not. The woman who takes your money gives me the feeling of a grinch dressed up in a people costume. She definitely exudes I'd rather be any place but here doing anything else but this, but they have great concolor firs. The farm we used to go to had great people, but their concolor firs have become very sparse.

For me the only tree to get is a concolor fir. They have soft needles and firm branches. You can shove lights all the way to the trunk of the tree without needing a first aid kit afterward, and the branches are hardy enough that you can hang extra heavy ornaments on them.

So we bought the tree on Saturday, put it up on Sunday, and I got the lights on it by Tuesday. Currently the only ornaments hanging on the tree are ones S. D. made in her pre-k class. I won't start decorating the tree until S. F. can participate, and she can't participate until all her homework is done. This week she didn't get homework finished until right before bedtime each night, and since she didn't even start working on homework until 8:55 p.m. last night, we still won't have the tree decorated until the weekend before Christmas.

Scary Math

Okay, I'm officially scared. S. F. asked for help with her math last night, and I couldn't look at it because of Mr. Ear Infection. He is definitely going back to the pediatrician first thing tomorrow morning!

So, this morning before S. F. got up, I picked up her worksheet and mathbook in order to figure out what it is that they're doing. I figure since she's almost a teenager, she's going to start thinking we're complete morons soon enough, so why give her any proof? ;) Here is the scary part...the math was EASY. Not only that, I actually had fun solving the problems. I think I need to get out more.

Santa Claus

S. D.: How does Santa get in your house?

Mom: Magic.

S. D.: What kind of magic?

Mom: Special Santa magic.

S. D.: But where does he come into the house?

Mom: Through the chimney.

S. D.: But we have a big thing in the fireplace. (She means our woodstove insert.)

Mom: Yes, that's why he uses magic.

S. D.: But he's really fat. How does he get through door?

Mom: Magic.

S. D.: No, the reindeer have to push.

Torture

If sleep deprivation is considered to be a form of torture, does that mean we can sue our children when they grow up? Just a thought. Can you tell that I haven't gotten much sleep lately?

Please, TEACH YOUR KIDS and GRANDKIDS about SAFETY!

S. F. was staying late at school yesterday to work with her friend on their history project. I figured this would be the perfect time to take S. D. and Little G. grocery shopping since I had an extra hour and half before I had to be back up at the school. Okay, there's really no perfect time to take a 4 year old and an infant shopping, but this was as good as it gets.

I admit that I am a paranoid shopper when it comes to my kids. If my 12 year old isn't with me, then the 4 year old is in the basket of the cart. The only time my 4 year old gets one of those mini "customer in training" carts is on those rare occasions when it's just the two of us, and everything I need can go in that cart. I absolutely will not let her have one if I have a cart of my own and my 12 year old isn't there. I can't keep a close enough eye on her otherwise. If it's just the baby and me, my hand never leaves contact with the shopping cart. It's too easy for someone to walk off with the cart while your back is turned. I've taught my kids that if someone grabs them to scream at the top of their lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY MOM/DAD! HELP! THIS ISN'T MY MOM/DAD!" That way other shoppers won't think it's just some brat having a temper tantrum.

So yesterday while I was shopping with S. D. and Little G. I saw a cute little girl in pigtails about 5 years old walking around the store with a "customer in training" cart. The first time I saw her there was an adult woman with a cart about 5 feet away, so I figured that was her mother and didn't think twice about it. The next time I saw her there wasn't an adult anywhere in sight. I stopped and asked her if she was lost. She looked up at me somewhat bewildered. I said, "Have you lost your mommy or daddy?" She said, "Yes."

At this point I expected some frantic woman to round the corner any moment, but no one did. I looked quickly around the next two aisles and didn't see anyone in sight, so I said, let's get you up to the front desk so we can find your mommy. She looked up at me and said, "Okay, but I want to see the horsies." Of course, because it's the Christmas season, the grocery store, the place that's supposed to be selling food, has to have giant, overstuffed horsies to sell to the little children. Who knew that the grocery store decided it had to be ToysRUs. I said, "Well, the important thing is that we find your mommy first." Of course, I was beginning to get a little paranoid. What if mommy came round the corner and thought I was trying to abduct her child. So I looked at the little girl and said come with me, we're going to find your mommy. She happily followed along with her little cart. I was now desperately looking for a Harris Teeter employee so I could let them know I had a lost child. On my way up to the customer service desk, I found an employee and told her about the little girl.

Finally the kid's caution began to kick in, and she didn't want to go with the store employee without me; so we all went up to the front desk to page the girl's parents. This is where it gets worse. This little kid only knew her first name. She had no idea what her last name was, nor did she know her parents' names. The clerk paged Maya's lost parents, and we waited. This whole time there had been no sign of anyone desperately looking for a lost little girl. The clerk paged for her parents a second and a third time. Finally grandma shows up at the front desk.

There was no sense of urgency or worry about the woman. All she said was, "This is the last time I let you have one of those little shopping carts. You can do that with your mother. Come on, we're going to be late meeting Daddy at his appointment." The clerk looked at her and said, "Is this your grandma?" The little girl nodded, and then said, "I want to go see the horsies." Now grandma asks the clerk, "What time is it?" and when the clerk told her the woman started complaining about about how she'd already wasted 40 minutes, and she was going to be late. She then tells the kid to come on, turns her back on her, and takes her groceries to the checkout, without even making certain the little girl was following her. The kid didn't make a move to follow her, and instead looks up at me and repeats that she wants to see the horses. I looked at her and said she had to go with her grandma and walked her over to the checkout line myself.

What I wanted to do was to scream at this woman for being so seemingly unconcerned about the whereabouts of her granddaughter. I wanted to yell, "What the hell is the matter with you?! Not only do you not seem to care that your 5 year old granddaughter was missing for at least 10 minutes, you're not even keeping an eye on her now! Why haven't you and her parents taught her about stranger danger?! Why doesn't she know her last name or her parents' first names? Why aren't you freaked out by any of this?!" Of course I didn't, because I had my children with me, and I didn't want to upset the little girl, but I am upset with myself for not saying more than, "Here's your granddaughter, I'm glad I found her."

I'm certain that if I had told this child to come out to the car with me to find her mommy, she would have done so. I spent the rest of my grocery trip playing "show me the store employee" with S. D.

I'm still shaken up about this and it's the next day. Please, please teach your kids about being safe.